JoAnne - Closing Chapters - Le Denouement

I can only imagine how gratifying it must be for an author or lyricist to craft a string of words into a line that goes on to become an enduring part of our culture.  The Grateful Dead once wrote, "What a long strange trip it's been". Those words have popped into my head many times over the last couple of years.

As I sit here in the warmth and comfort of our dining room, it is nice to be home again. We lost our JoJo along the way, but she led a life that fills us with many fond memories. She left a legacy of loving family and children of strong character, love and compassion. We've said it many times. She led a life that honored God.

Today, October 29th, is the 36th anniversary of our wedding. It is a good day to take some time and ponder the significance of JoAnne in our lives. It is also an appropriate day to let go as best we can and move on with life. She would want us to muster the courage to face life without her by our side. To dare greatly in pursuit of new dreams, loves and experiences. We owe it to her and to ourselves. It is time.

In English we say, "the final chapter in a book that comes after the climax where all the loose ends are tied up". In French they say the same with one word, denouement; pronounced and defined. As we bring this time in our lives to a close, I thought it would be nice to give our readers a summary on the status of our family.

Many of you are Facebook friends and already know that our Boston Terrier Fenway, was put to rest on September 25th. He had been a loyal member of the family for nearly 10 years and was first and foremost, JoAnne's buddy. His behavior was peculiar starting when JoAnne entered the hospital for the last time around the first of May. We thought he might just be depressed. He was having trouble eating. A trip to the vet and then to the U of Minnesota Clinic suggested that a neurological disorder was the cause of his symptoms. In due course, the evidence strongly suggested that he was suffering from a brain stem tumor. We monitored him until the symptoms became uncomfortable. Heather, Adam and I were in attendance when he was put down. It was letting go of another connection to JoAnne and was a tearful good-bye for all.

Oldest daughter Kelly lives with me in the Arcadia Compound. She is an Academic Counselor at St. Thomas University which suits her talents and desires quite well. And of course, she is mother to 6 year old Torben and near 2 year old Delcy. Torben is doing well in 1st grade while Delcy attends an incredible daycare/preschool on the St. Thomas campus. There is no end to the joy of having grandkids in the mix on a daily basis. Although, it does require that I maintain a personal Panic Room that I can quickly retreat to as needed. On the other hand, there is no end to the exasperation that comes with watching Kelly have to endure a circuitous divorce proceeding over the last 10 months. And they are seemingly no closer to a solution now than when they started. The time, emotion and money could certainly be better spent on two young children, but somehow that concept comes off as incomprehensible. As Grandpa, I am on the outside looking in so I will refrain from speaking my mind on the topic. Plus, I try to keep this blog G-Rated. Why stop now?

Ryan and Alison continue to reside in Pittsburgh with their loyal Samoyed, Skye. They do their share of travel; business and pleasure. Both were able to be at JoAnne's bedside when she died and were with us through the thick and thin of the final days and family funeral. This summer had them traveling quite a bit between Pitt & MSP. Alison is in marketing with HJ Heinz and moved over to the Ketchup Desk earlier this summer. It is a sign of status and accomplishment when you are part of the team for the company's flagship product so she is doing well in corporate America. Ryan continues to work in web development and project management. He recently left his job to be part of a start up company. It is a good time to try a new venture and we wish him the best. Long term or even short term if the opportunity presents, they would like to get back to the Twin Cities.

Heather and husband Adam are also residents of the Arcadia Compound. They were only going to stay for +/- a year when they moved in following college graduation in 2006. Arcadia somehow grows on you! They have become very meaningful contributors to the process helping out with various chores and serving as "T" & "Amand" to their niece and nephew. The little ones are blessed to have them close at hand. Heather works in corporate real estate for Target. She also is a wedding planner and rides herd on about a dozen or more each year. And she dances. Irish dance. She practices weekly, sometimes more and performs throughout the year. Although she has danced her entire life, she only took up Irish dancing when she graduated from college. She was recently moved up to the elite troupe that is the poster group for the dance school. It's quite an accomplishment for her. Adam parlayed his law degree into a position with FMHC where he coordinates projects involving cell phone tower installations. The man can cook and bake! He really dug into our landscaping project this fall. (see what I did there?) It is great to have him around. Living with your father-in-law can't be easy. I was close to mine, but we both needed our separation time :-)  We're still figuring each other out, but in a rewarding way. They plan to add a new Boston Terrier to their family next spring.

In May, Wade graduated from the University of North Dakota, home of the Fighting Sioux, no matter what the NCAA says or what is politically correct. His degree is commercial aviation and he is currently accumulating hours via flight instructing. The day after graduation, he proposed to Sarah Pfingsten. The wedding is this Saturday, Nov. 3rd.  Sarah is an Airport Management major at UND and will graduate in the spring. They make a wonderful couple. Upon her graduation, Wade should have nearly enough hours to earn a spot with an airline. The requirements have been upped considerably for new pilots and signs indicate a coming shortage as thousands of experienced pilots reach retirement age. He's got the training and hours so he will be in good shape career wise. Sarah has her pilot's license as well so they have aviation in their blood. We are looking forward to the wedding.

As for me, I am still retired and plan to stay that way. Life chores have backed up over the last couple of years so there is catching up to be done. I've carved out a year to do so. That seems fair and not overly demanding. On a priority basis, I want to lose some weight. Food washed down with a little red wine has been my source of comfort during difficult times and it shows......alot. Making progress on that front will boost my confidence and energy levels so I can address some of the more challenging tasks. We have lot's of landscaping to install at Arcadia and a deck to rebuild. I still have the Hartford house where I grew up and we raised our family. It has been empty for a number of years. Ryan and Alison will move into it for a time if and when they return. Otherwise, I will get it cleaned up to rent or sell. We still have my parent's house in Maplewood as a rental. And the farm. For reasons not always clear to me, I kept 5 acres with the house and outbuildings when we sold the rest. I thought I might get it buffed up; sort of a nice hobby for me. I'm not sure I need that at this point in my life. I will have to figure out a plan.

I've got guitars that need playing, places to see, friends and family whose company I enjoy and the joy of writing. Running out of things to do is the last worry on my mind.

Having rapidly traversed chasms of grief and brimming with the confidence that overcoming huge obstacles engenders, I entered into a new relationship. Her name is Miriam. Me likey her very much. Why don't we just leave it at that for now :-) New blog fodder.

As many of you know, I have been quite self satisfied over the manner in which I have handled the grieving process. I even went to a grief counselor a few weeks ago to confirm what I believed; I'm OK. Last week, I was sharing some experiences with a new counselor. I had experienced a spiritual awakening of sorts. A doctor would call it a minor breakdown :-) I plowed through one box of Kleenex and was well into the second before it was time for him to offer some profound thoughts. "Vell Kevin. You present a verrrrry interrrresting case." Not really. But he did say, "You seem to have done a very good job of dealing with your grief. Perhaps too good. Your life is recalibrating and you may be moving more rapidly than your psyche can adjust to. I see people all the time who struggle with the issues of grief. I see people regularly who struggle with their relationships. You are trying to do both. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't in a little turmoil. That couch on which you are sitting? That is where you belong for now. Be there next Friday and we will continue. Sound good?"

Every day is a learning experience. It appears that I have.............shall we say..........issues. Don't we all? I am fond of an observation I once read. "Sometimes it seems like half the world is in therapy. Unfortunately it is usually the wrong half." I've been there before and found it helpful if not downright enjoyable. Try to picture a big bubble floating in front of me, full of a wide variety of chaotic emotions all bumping and tumbling into each other. As my new guru and I discussed, he can help me sort, organize and settle them down in time. I stole a couple of lines from Brene' Brown. Google her TED talks if you are interested in some entertaining observations on vulnerability and shame. As she had, I told my guru, "No childhood stuff! No family issues! Just give me some strategies so I can cope!" He just smiled and nodded.

But those are stories for another day. I have spent a fair share of time pondering where I go from here in terms of the blog. As meaningful as Beauty and the Beast has been, it is now nothing without Beauty. Forks in the road are before me and it is time to choose a new path. I seem to always have words in my head and new experiences abound. Old memories need to be chronicled for the benefit of those who follow in our family footsteps. It pleases me to share those with people I care about. I am going to take some time to make a few modifications, pick a new title and visuals and continue on. All of the archives and pics will remain for easy access. Perhaps, for awhile, we can spend more time focused on joy and living; less on pain and suffering.

Thoughts come to mind of how nice it would be if all who have supported and prayed for us during these tumultuous times would get in a long line at our front door. I would greet each of you. Hold your hand for a time, look directly into your eyes, hug you, and man or woman, give you a gentle kiss on the cheek. I would thank you for sharing your strength with us and tell you how much I have loved that. It is a deeply moving image for me. Thank you one and all.

But now, there is a wedding to prepare for! Another family celebration! As the days carry forward, please think occasionally of our JoAnne. When you do, take a break from the race that is life. Find your child or spouse or close friend. Give 'em a hug because the thought of JoAnne compels you to do so. She and her memory wants for nothing more.

What a long, strange trip it's been.

And the Beast Goes On