Four of a Kind

Page views. It's how bloggers keep score. Every time a reader accesses a page of our blog, an ongoing counter tallies another page view. Serious bloggers can attract hundreds or even thousands of hits a day. We aren't in that league, but the growth of our page views has been a priceless and unexpected gift for JoAnne and me. I have been trying to conjure up a post about our blog and its readers for awhile. It was targeted to commemorate 5000 page views, but per my SOP, I fell behind. Then one recent morning I opened up the blog and voila'...........

Too bad I can't draw that kind of hand playing poker. Still, it has to be some kind of good luck omen, don't you think?

When Al Gore invented the Internet, I'd venture a guess that enhancing communication between victims of illness and their family and friends was nowhere on his list of advantages. But enhance it does in extraordinary ways. There are numerous challenges to dealing with ongoing illness, not the least of which is keeping loved ones informed of developments. It is a demanding task.

Prior to the internet, in a situation like JoAnne's, I don't even want to think about how much time and energy would be required keeping people up to date on her progress. Plus, the demands for communication increase directly with critical developments, so just when stress is highest, more communication is required precipitating more stress. One can only make so many calls. The end result is that the wagons are circled tighter and fewer people are in the loop.

Last September, JoAnne was having an increasingly difficult time with her cancer. She has 7 brothers and sisters and we have 4 children with 3 spouses. That alone is a large group with which to communicate. I started to send email updates. Each time, a few additional names of friends and family members were added to the mailing list. JoAnne was not doing well and it was apparent that we were in for a long siege with a lot of unanswerable questions. Caring Bridge is a website that does a great job of providing an internet outlet for people with long term illness. Using that as a model, I went about setting up our own blog. I have many words and lots of pictures, and I didn't want to use up all their bandwidth!

In our eyes, it has been an overwhelming success. In the time it takes to have several phone calls, we can publish a post that communicates a uniform and detailed message to everyone who has an interest in following JoAnne's triumphs and struggles. You know what we know within a short period of time. It strengthens the connection between the reader and JoAnne and significantly widens her circle of supporters.

JoAnne has received many cards, letters, emails, gifts and hands. And then there are those nearly 6000 page views. To JoAnne and me, each one of those represents someone listening to us. There is little more important in tough times than having a good listener, a shoulder to cry on. Cancer has a way of separating its victims from the way of life they pursued prior to diagnosis and treatment. Loneliness can become an unwanted companion. Of all the challenges that confront JoAnne, loneliness may be one of the least because so many of you have taken time to read Beauty and the Beast. We love the comments and look forward each day to sharing new developments. As we write, we think about all of you and feel a sense of gratitude for your fellowship, prayers and support. We ask you to read each post as though it was a personal letter to you because it is.

I have received many kind comments about my writing and the effort put into the blog. OK, I will admit to having an ego, and it feels good when someone gives me a pat on the back. Thank you. But it is not why I continue to put up posts. People who are close to me and less than objective, tell me I have a gift for writing. I agree that I have the God given gift of desire and adequate skill to create a blog. Let's not confuse that with being gifted. I have my muse in JoAnne and her illness. All the return I desire comes from watching the connectedness of our blog community grow, and knowing that it helps JoJo make her way through this difficult time in her life. If you read a post and it makes you feel good, that's all I need. You don't even have to say thanks or give me a pat on the back. I will know.

I read an interview in the St. Paul Pioneer Press with Jodie Foster recently. It read, making films allows you to ruminate on things that you can't get through any other way. Look, you can have feelings about somebody and you can do one of two things. One is you can think about them over and over and over and create something. Or you can go play volleyball and forget all about it. I believe that ruminating, which is kind of a depressive act, is the real way to get through aspects of your life that you can't get through any other way. Art saves you. It's a survival tool. For me as a director, making movies in a way is evolving through a spiritual crisis and making it to the other side.

Her comments resonated with me because I trend towards ruminating. There is probably a fine line between clear headed introspection and rumination and obsessing. In retrospect, life has often been about crossing those lines and finding my way back. If we use the term loosely, my "art" is this blog. It is the survival tool that is helping me evolve through the spiritual challenge of JoAnne's illness and make it to the other side. Thank you for indulging me while I wander back and forth across the lines.

Woody Boyd, the friendly but unsophisticated bartender from "Cheers" once had a discussion with the eminent psychiatrist Frazier Crane, about the handling of internal tensions. It has always stuck with me, and I offer a link for your viewing pleasure. It is about a 10 minute clip, so you can just move ahead and view from the 5:45 mark to about 6:20. This is part of Cheers S09E17 Sam Time Next Year Part 1 on You Tube. Parts 2 and 3 are readily accessible if you get sucked into the whole episode as I did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1D9FxjQLs0I&feature=related

Cancer Sucks