La Familia

I am often asked how the kids are taking the loss of their mom. Ryan and Alison returned to Pittsburgh after being in town for two weeks. He plays his emotions pretty close to the vest and is not prone to discussing them at length. Alison lost her Mom/best friend to ovarian cancer in 2006 so she is not plowing new ground when it comes to grief. They will help each other through. JoAnne's death has brought all of us even closer together. We are there if or when they need us.

Kelly, Torben and Delcy, occupy the Arcadia Compound with me. Kelly has her job counseling at St. Thomas University, plus 2 active kids and is in the midst of a divorce that is dragging on. Delcy is very un-Petersen like in that she is EXTREMELY CURIOUS AND ACTIVE! She is such a sweetheart, but holy waa is she a challenge to keep in eyesight and earshot. This is about as difficult as it can get for a young mother; divorce, very young kids, challenging career and losing your Mom and best friend. On the plus side, living at Arcadia has prevented this from becoming the tragic family disaster that it could have been.

Torben is nearly 6 and was close to JoJo. It is hard to determine how he feels about it. Tonight we were sitting on the couch together when out of nowhere he said, "I miss JoJo." He had been swimming in the pool and the two of them enjoyed many good times in the water. Kelly has done a masterful job of helping him understand what has happened, but 6 year olds handle their grief different than we adults. 

Heather and Adam are also here at Arcadia. Heather is working hard in the real estate department at Target Corporate. She enjoys it and her co-workers have been generous in their support and friendship. She also does wedding planning. The weekend of the 15th, she had 3 weddings to manage. Our Heather was exhausted by Sunday night. And to top it off, she does Irish dance that requires a couple of nights practice each week. Heather also stays in touch with many friends through Facebook which seems to help. Adam started a new job recently and JoAnne's death has competed for his time. Now that things have settled, he can focus as he needs to. This new job experience comes at a good time for both of them. They have a positive development and all that goes with it to occupy their mind and time.

Wade and fiance' Sarah are back in Grand Forks. They have their November wedding to look forward to and plan. Wade is instructing and spending a lot of time in the air. He is just finishing up his MEI, multi-engine instructor rating, so he will get a pay bump and a little more status. As we speak, they are on the North Carolina Outer Banks for a week with Ryan and Alison. I am having a hard time getting my head around it. The two of them had to share a bedroom growing up. I would have bet big money they would never talk to each other again once they went their separate ways. Now they are vacationing together. Only parents can know how comforting that is to see.

Everyone is busy. That's good. I do hope and pray that each of them will also find time to allow themselves to grieve. They are all part of the preparation for the upcoming memorial service and that helps. We've gotten this far holding hands. I'm confident we will continue to make our way.

In some ways, this is like a divorce where I get to keep everything. JoAnne loved her Boston Terrier, Fenway. I kinda did too, but felt it better to not let on. Now Fenway is my buddy and I'm telling you, "He is one high maintenance little dude!" He is probably in mourning. I hope he gets over it soon. Or maybe he feels it his responsibility to wean me off of the caregiver role that I had with JoAnne. He has had some eating and respiratory issues going on for about 6 weeks and there have been trips to the vet, but no confirmed diagnosis. A visit to a clinic might be good for the soul as I haven't had one in a few weeks. Quitting cold turkey can be tough :-)

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The last few years had taken their toll on JoAnne's physical appearance, but it was something I didn't pay much attention to. She just kept slowly changing in a way that allowed me time to subconsciously adjust my perception of who JoJo was.  Of course, it bothered her that she had the "moon face" that comes with prednisone usage. She lost her hair and it came back grey. Low platelet counts led to extensive bruising of her body along with redness from graft vs host disease. Muscle tone declined and she lost considerable strength. Still, the desire to lie with her and be close was as great now as it was in the early days of our relationship. That's saying something!

Part of the funeral and memorial process includes going through many pictures as we collect those of JoAnne for display. I had forgotten how beautiful and exciting she was to me. Just the sight of her lathered me up back in the day, and as I look at our history through photos, I am reminded why. Recently, I was trying to explain this to my grandson Torben without much success and son Wade overheard us. He interjected, "Grandma was a dish!" Simple and eloquent. Now I am left to wonder if I am mourning or going through a mid-life crisis. I did spend some time on an internet site looking at red Corvettes but it was fleeting. Mostly, I look at those pictures and see the vibrant young woman with the memorable smile and laugh. I see her young beauty and feel the joy and love in her heart. I ask myself how it is that this child, young woman and young mother can be gone from our midst? Yes, the years had done irreparable harm, but we were still walking arm in arm.

I still remember my first encounter with JoAnne. Me and a couple of mates were hanging out at the local Burger King on a warm summer afternoon in what must have been 1972. We all knew JoAnne's older sister and recognized her blue Buick when it pulled into the parking lot and found a spot. She and JoAnne had been at Lake Nokomis catching some rays. I knew of JoAnne but had neither seen nor met her. It didn't matter. I knew exactly who she was the minute she stepped out of the car in her light blue bikini (era '72) and sunglasses. She started walking across the parking lot towards us.  If you have seen that famous scene with Phoebe Cates in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" you know what I'm talking about. If not, you'll have to look it up. Anyway, it was just like that........except for the part where she climbs out of the pool............and the part where she undoes her top. Otherwise, pretty close. I was smitten. Her, not so much. I'm an acquired taste and it took a couple years for her to warm up. She was into suntanning, the lake and water skiing. I can't listen to "Boys of Summer" by Don Henley without thinking back to that day:

I can see you

Your brown skin shining in the sun

You got your hair slicked back

and those Wayfarers on, baby

Keep the faith